


i wish that you would've treated me bad (the truth is you couldn't have loved me better)

by justrey



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Ben is 37, Ben is engaged, Bottom Rey (Star Wars), Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Forced Bonding, Hospitals, Kinda cheating, Kinda not, Kinky, Lawyer Ben Solo, Loveless Marriage, Mechanic Rey, Multi, Not Medically Accurate, Protective Ben Solo, Rey is 24, RuPaul's Drag Race References, Senator Leia Organa, Size Difference, Size Kink, Snoke Being a Dick, This is trash, Top Ben Solo, big dick ben solo, brief rey and poe, chewie is a man, han has a stroke, it's not normal tho, not a wookie, sorry - Freeform, they don't love one another, to someone else
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:46:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26744593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justrey/pseuds/justrey
Summary: Rey is going to kill Ben Solo. She just has to make sure his dad doesn't die first.orHan Solo suffers a stroke, and the only two people that stick around for his recovery are Rey and Ben. Two opposites stuck in one measly hospital, waiting for a man they both consider a father to wake up.
Relationships: Finn/Rose Tico, Kaydel Ko Connix/Kylo Ren, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 14
Kudos: 50
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. prologue (of sorts)

Kaydel Ko Connix is, to her credit, not the _snobbiest_ person Rey has ever met. She’s definitely in the top five, perhaps even top three, but she’s not screaming or crying that she has to be in such a “shabby, disgusting shack of a repair shop” as number one on her snobby list Armitage Hux put it.

She is, however, gorgeous. Blonde, feminine, and much better dressed than Rey is in her overalls. And Rey really can’t avoid the rock on her left hand, nor can she avoid making small talk by asking about it.

“That’s a beautiful ring,” she says conversationally, lifting the hood of the woman’s car. “How long have you been married?”

“Oh! I’m not,” she responds, gazing down at the ginormous diamond. “Just engaged. For about six months now. The wedding isn’t quite hashed out, it has to be perfect you know? Han is going to be my father-in-law, that’s the only reason I’m here,” she says. It takes her a beat before she adds, “No offense.”

Rey shrugs, thinking to herself that Han Solo is _not_ the snobby type. She knows his wife is a senator, but when Rey asked him about it he told her it was all utter and complete bullshit, and he’d sooner run himself over with the Falcon than willingly subject himself to it. Chewie lovingly chimed in that he still does it, for Leia, to which Han grumbled and walked away.

“No kidding,” Rey responds politely, already identifying the major issue and getting to work on it right away. “Han never mentioned his son being engaged.”  


Kaydel hums thoughtfully, seemingly not offended. Rey is grateful for that, realizing too late how her words may have been taken the wrong way. “It’s not surprising, really. Kylo is very private. Han and Leia only found out about a month ago.”  


Rey does the math in her brain, but it just… doesn’t add up. “Um, who is Kylo?” she asks meekly, glancing at the blonde.

She stares back, bewildered. “Um, Han and Leia’s son?”

Rey should end the conversation here, because really, who cares, but it’s going to eat away at her until she asks Han, and Han… He doesn’t like talking about Ben. “I thought they only had Ben?” she squeaks.

Kaydel visibly relaxes. “Ah. His name isn’t Ben anymore, he goes by Kylo now. Han and Leia just refuse to call him by it. You know, they gave him his birth name and all that.” She shrugs, as if it’s a normal occurrence.

Rey tries to mask her storm of emotions and just nods instead, turning back to the repair.

————————

“You didn’t tell me Ben is Kylo now,” Rey comments at quitting time, wiping her hands free of the grease they’ve accumulated through the day. “That’s very… bold.”

“You mean batshit crazy?” Han mutters, shaking his head. “Kid is out of his damn mind. He gets a gig with that Snoke law firm and suddenly he’s a prissy son of a bitch. I can’t stand it.”

Rey opens her mouth, closes it, and opens it again. “It’s a very interesting name choice. Sort of sounds like something off of _Drag Race_ , no?”

Han gives her the side eye. “I’m not even gonna ask what that is,” he begins, “Lock up on your way out, kid. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Except Rey doesn’t see him the next morning. The next morning she comes into work to discover Han Solo has suffered a stroke.


	2. you don't seem to notice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey meet.

Rey can't see him.

It's family only or some bullshit, and she wants to scream that Han _is_ her family. He's the only family she has, aside from her friends and her cat BeeBee. She's alone in this world, has no one to call mom or dad, and even though she wouldn't call Han her dad per se, he was, well, _something_. Something more than just her boss.

So she waits. Leia stops in to update, saying they have him in a medically-induced coma to make sure things heal up properly. Or something. Rey is in a bit of a daze, hardly listening, mind running in so many different directions. It doesn't sound like he's dying, but she knows comas are serious shit, and that's pretty horrible. Leia doesn't break down, just delivers the news to Rey and Chewie (who stare dumbly, nodding and shaking their heads when appropriate) and turns right back to make her way to his room.

Neither of them has spoken in hours. She knows the warm man next to her has got to be feeling much worse than what she's feeling; this is his best friend. But Chewie says nothing, just leans his head against the wall and closes his eyes.

She loses track of time for a while. She's pretty sure it's been hours, but it's hard to tell when you're in a place like a hospital. It's like time stands still and moves way too fast all at once. The only definitive time-teller is a large, tall man with strikingly black hair and beauty marks all over his face storming in, his black sunglasses obstructing the view of his eyes. He spots the two in their chairs and Rey's fight or flight _just_ begins to kick in by the time he stops a foot away.

"What are you-?" she begins, only to be cut off by an inhumanly deep and impatient, "Where is he?"

Chewie opens one eye, looking up at the man. "You're late."

He chuckles once, though it's not filled with any sort of humor. Rey thinks he might look very nice if he smiled. "I was in court."

"What did you do this time?" Chewie retorts. She can't help her eyes widening. She knows in Han's younger years he was part of all sorts of sketchy crowds, but this man seems far too young to have been a part of that chapter in the older man's life.

The man breathes sharply through his nose. "Funny. You gonna tell me or not?"

Chewie shrugs. "Room one-oh-eight. But they won't let you in right now, your Ma is in there." He goes back to closing his eyes.

Rey stares between the two of them, brain taking twice as long to compute that this hulking _monster_ of a man came out of Leia's va-

"This your new girlfriend? She's a little young." Ben comments, raising an eyebrow. He seems to have just noticed Rey sitting next to his father's friend.

Rey finds her voice before Chewie can respond. "Excuse me? I work with Chewie."

"You guys finally get a receptionist? Still can't answer the damn phone to save your lives, Kaydel had to call Dad's cell directly to get an appointment."

"I am not a bloody receptionist, I'm a mechanic! The very one that fixed your fiancee's car, thank you!"

Ben stares for a moment before taking off his sunglasses and tucking them in between two buttons on his perfectly tailored white dress shirt. His amber eyes are striking as they glare at her, making Rey feel like she's being looked _through_.

She doesn't back down, though.

"Hm," he finally relents, like he's disappointed by what he sees. Rey is, admittedly, a little hurt at the implication.

Chewie hasn't opened his eyes, but he does save Rey from a potential argument. "Speaking of, where's the trophy wife?"

Ben rolls his eyes, taking a seat across from them. His legs are so long he has to fold them awkwardly to fit, his expensive-shoe adorned feet ending up in a remarkably pigeon-toed position.

"Very funny. She's on the way to Milan."

Chewie snorts, making Ben sigh. 

"I'm Rey, by the way," she pipes up, using the lull in conversation to introduce herself. It's probably a little too late to be elegant, but whatever.

Ben raises a brow. "Ray? That sounds like an old Southern man's name."

"Well Kylo sounds like you won season six of RuPaul's Drag Race, so I guess we're on even ground there."

Chewie lets out a true belly laugh at that, which brightens Rey's day infinitesimally. 

Ben, however, is unamused. "So you're a mechanic. Where do you come from, Rey..." he trails off, leaving her room to give him her surname.

Rey's mood plummets again. "Just Rey," she says, suddenly feeling very small. His gaze sharpens then softens, and for half a second she thinks he'll be smart and close his mouth.

But men were never good at reading women, because: "So we've both denounced our family names."

"I have not," she says, stronger than she feels.

Ben raises his brows. "Your legal name is Just Rey?"

"My legal name is Mind Your Fucking Business. I don't have a family, okay? I grew up in the foster system. The closest I've got is Niima. The town I stayed in the longest. So if you really need a full name from me, hotshot lawyer, there it is. Rey Niima. Fuck You for short." She stands, breathing in a huff. "I'm going to get a bite, want anything Chewie?"

Chewie shakes his head, seeming like he's halfway to being asleep by now. Ben seems a little stunned, but she doesn't even spare him a second glance before she marches to the cafeteria.

\--------

Rey dozes off in the waiting room chair, waking with a start when a large hand envelopes her upper arm. Her hand shoots out to defend herself, stopping just in time to meet Ben's eyes.

"Sorry," she mumbles hoarsely, sitting up straighter while he slowly takes his hands off of her.

"I was just gonna move you," he says softly. "We've been upgraded to a suite."

Rey stares up at him. The dim lighting of the room behind him casts a shadow, making him look like some sort of fallen angel; bathed in darkness with the light just behind him. It takes her sleep-addled brain an extra second to comprehend his words. "Move me? Like what, drag me by my arm? You would've dislocated my shoulder."

Ben pushes an impatient hand through his hair. "Don't be ridiculous. I was going to carry you."

Rey stares, bewildered. " _Carry_ me? I'm not four. You're about twenty years off on that one."

"You also look like you weigh one hundred pounds soaking wet, so I'm sure I would've managed just fine. If you weren't a freakishly light sleeper, you wouldn't have ever known."  
  


Rey has to look away after that. She can't afford to be a heavy sleeper and is quite convinced she's never entered REM in her entire life.

"So where is the suite? I can walk just fine."

He doesn't seem convinced, and he just looks at her for so long she begins to wonder if she drooled. But after what seems like forever, he turns, taking long strides. Rey has to fumble to stand and practically run after him, her shorter legs struggling to keep up. 

"I can drive you home if you need," he says off-handedly. 

Rey's brows pull together. "I'm not leaving."

"Why not?" he asks, seeming genuinely curious. "You're just his employee, you don't owe him all this."

Rey hesitates. "I'm just... I'm not leaving him."

Ben stops short, turning to look down into her eyes. Once again, she feels like she's being looked through. "Ah," he says finally, though she's given him no answer at all. "You feel like he's the father you never had."

She would fight it, but sees no point, knowing he's hit the nail on the head. At least he seems generally kind about it, and not territorial like she was afraid he'd be. She thinks he's far too attractive to be considered her brother, which gets her rethinking the entire fatherly comparison, but where is that even coming from because Ben is _engaged_ -

"He would've disappointed you."

He says it offhandedly, so cold. Just says possibly the most insulting thing Rey has ever heard and... turns. Walks away again.

And just like that, Rey hates Ben Solo.


	3. i can't seem to focus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben gets jealous, Rey gets tired, Leia gets busy, and Han... Han is still in a coma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm genuinely so grateful for the reads! I haven't really been writing in recent years due to some mental health stuff, but I'm happy to be back. I know it isn't perfect, but I'm trying. I hope you enjoy it!

_Where are you_ _?_

The text comes through, along with eighteen others, once Rey's phone buzzes to life in the hospital suite. It's way too nice, something that Rey wouldn't have even known existed if it weren't for the incredible masses of money Ben Solo had to have thrown at the staff to get it booked. Regardless, they have outlets and complimentary chargers, which Rey has taken full advantage of. She sort of forgot to tell her friends that her boss slash father figure had a stroke.

She grimaces at the incessant pinging of her phone, message after message flooding in from two of her closest friends (and roommates.) Ben, who had been lounging in the chair across the room with his suit jacket hanging over the arm of it, opens his eyes and stares.

"Sorry," she whispers, though logically she knows no volume of talking would wake Han. "It's just... my friends."

The man says nothing, just continues staring at her while she rushes to text Finn and Rose back. They react to the horrible news as expected- with concern and compassion. Once she assures them that she hasn't been kidnapped and she plans to stay at the hospital for a bit they seem to calm down, telling her to get some rest and let them know if she needs anything from them.

Her ringer gets shut off and she slides down further into her chair, much comfier and definitely more expensive than the generic ones in the waiting room. Eventually, her eyes trail up the length of Ben's body. His long legs stretched out so far in front of him there's no room for anyone to walk, the white button-down; now pushed up to his elbows, and his luxury watch sitting on the side table next to him. His eyes look tired, and they're still focused on her, making her squirm in her seat. He's so... Attractive. It's almost rude, how attractive he is. Rey finds herself bitter that such beauty was wasted on such a rotten personality.

"What?" she finally asks, softly. He shows no shame in being caught staring, just tilts his head a bit and raises an eyebrow.

"Just observing. Did you get your boyfriend to calm down?" he asks, nodding his head toward her phone.

Rey's brows pull together, unsure if he's actually talking to her. "Uh, what?"

"Your boyfriend," he says again, slower. "The one that was making your phone go crazy."

She can't help it, really. Rey laughs at the absurdity of his comment, shaking her head. "It was my _friends_. As I said before."

Ben licks his lips, drawing Rey's attention to his full lips. They look entirely too soft, too plush, too--

  
"I thought that was a lie," he says simply. His voice is so deep, Rey wonders at it. "You hesitated."

"I was reading," she bites out, unreasonably perturbed. 

He lifts two massive hands in surrender, shrugging. "Well, I'm sorry. I just thought maybe you were making an excuse."

She lets her eyes linger on his palms for a beat too long before shaking her head and looking out the window. It's getting dark, she should really go freshen up at home and get a change of clothes.

"Alright," Leia interrupts her thoughts, coming into the room with a gush of air. "They assured me he'll be fine, but I have a meeting to attend in DC and I can't stick around to watch him sleep. I think I'll have Chewie stay to-"

"I'll do it," Rey says, just as Ben pipes in to say the same. They stare at each other.

  
"I'm his son," Ben says defensively.

  
"Yeah, well, you're also a big-time lawyer or something. So you probably don't have time. You never have before, at least," she grumbles the last part, feeling a pang of regret when she sees the hurt that registers across his face.

Leia frowns. "You can both stay, then. Rey, I'll pay you for your time."

"Don't be silly, he's..." Rey trails off, thinking of the hurt expression on Ben's face and changing course. "Chewie will call me if he needs me."

Ben is still frowning deeply, looking very much like he wants to object, but wisely keeps his mouth shut.

"Alright," Leia says with a shrug. "I guess that's it, then. Ben, please call me if anything happens. I'll check in whenever I can."

Ben nods stiffly, and Leia hesitates for a moment before she walks over to her son and kisses his forehead gently. She whispers something to him, squeezes his hand, and leaves.

Rey wants to cry. Despite her many, many years of trying to get over it, she's emotional that she'll never have a moment like that. A mother's love.

The room falls silent again and Rey stands, stretching her arms over her head and trying to rid herself of the stiffness in her muscles. Once she drops them back down she takes a breath and gathers her things.

Ben's eye line seems to have lingered somewhere in Rey's midsection because his eyes snap up to her face after a moment. "Where are you going?"

She swallows. "I'm going home, to get a change of clothes."

"I can drive you," he says, standing and towering over her. 

  
"Wh-" she begins, shaking her head and starting over. "I have transportation."

Ben gives her a look. "You have a pass to the public bus."

  
"And?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest defensively. 

  
He sighs, shaking his head. "Can you not be difficult for two seconds and let me drive you to your goddamn house?"

"What the hell is your problem?" she demands. "You wanna get me alone so you can berate me? Or drop me off in the middle of nowhere? I've taken the bus every day of my adult life, I can take it just fine."

Ben looks like she just slapped him. "I just... wanted you to be safe."

A multitude of emotions flood Rey, but she settles on anger. "You know nothing about me. In fact, you didn't seem to have any sort of regard for my life up until a minute ago. So what gives?"

"Look, he-" Ben gestures widely toward his comatose father. "He's told me about you for years. And he always said that if he were to, um," he begins, but can't seem to finish. "That I should take care of you."

She's caught off guard by this news, and can only gape openly at the man in front of her. Her mind races on without her consent, picturing what life might have been like if things were just a little different. Maybe, if there was no fallout between Ben and his parents, he wouldn't have met Kaydel. Maybe Han still would've allowed her to come work for him, and Ben would've come in to offer his dad a hand or-or lunch or _something,_ and he would've taken one look at Rey and fallen just as hard as she would have once she gazed back.

He scrubs a hand over his face. "It's not like I... I just owe him, okay? So I was willing to do him this favor and take care of his employee. I'm engaged, for God's sake. I wasn't trying to come off the wrong way."

Reality slaps Rey in the face and she's abruptly sucked out of her fantasy. "I'm fine, thanks," she manages, trying not to let the hurt show on her face. "He's not dead anyway, so no need to fulfill your duty. If it makes you feel better, I'll tell him you didn't leave my side for a moment while he was out. Then you're off the hook, and we don't have to deal with one another anymore. Now if you'll excuse me."

She walks away quickly, unable to keep the tears in her eyes any longer. He doesn't chase after her, thank God, and she's grateful she doesn't have to explain why his confession of not caring about her hurts so much. She wants to blame it on the long day she's had, or the stress she's under with this whole situation, or maybe even her absent parents.

But the truth is that she's been in love with the idea of Ben Solo for a long time, and the real thing keeps breaking her heart.


	4. you'd be my heaven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben comes to some realizations.
> 
> (Ben's POV bc I'm a wh*re. Also, this is just a little interlude thingy, Super short, but I wanted to write something.)

Ben watches Rey walk away from him with an unfamiliar ache in his chest, one he hasn't felt in years.

In truth, he wants to beat his own ass.

Han has been telling him for three or four years now about Rey, about how perfect she'd be for him, about how she doesn't come from much but has a heart of gold, and Ben- he's an idiot. An ass. He ignored it all and dated the first girl to ask him how he felt after a night of drinking instead of demanding sex right away (though she did, once he confirmed he was fine aside from a headache, demand sex) and missed out on the literal personified sunshine that is Rey Niima.

The idea of love at first sight makes him want to swallow his tongue because that's ridiculous, isn't it? But he's... enamored by this girl. He wants to know every little thing about her, good and bad, and grow to love each and every quirk. He's never wanted to kiss the words out of someone's mouth more than when she went off on him in the waiting room. He wants to treat her right and then take her home to do horrible, unspeakable things. And yet he can't.

She probably has a boyfriend. No girl like Rey is single, he's sure of that. She seems the type to draw in the guys that are good for her and shut out the rest. He hates to think that he belongs to the latter category, but he's not been the most chivalrous in their interactions so far. And she's so tiny, and he's so big, it's not a good match. Kaydel wears heels and has womanly curves (the way Ben _thought_ he liked his women) but Rey is much shorter than him, her legs the only thing long enough to bring her anywhere near his own height. He's certain if he put his hands on her hips they'd overlap one another, completely covering her torso. A sick part of him is enamored by the thought of this while the rest of him worries for her safety around him and his... anger management issues.

Ben is fucked up. He's twisted, and he likes things he shouldn't and dislikes things he should. He's stuck in a horrible job with horrible people and has no clue how to get out of it at this point. He's never even wanted to until he made eye contact with Rey. He wants her love just like he wanted love so desperately from his parents. Snoke would call him weak, and maybe he is. But he's so fucking _lonely_.

That's the biggest laugh of it all. He puts a ring on a girl's finger just to feel something other than the overwhelming emptiness and it turns around to bite him in the ass. He's even more lonely now. Kaydel doesn't care about him or his feelings, it's all just convenient because the sex is nice and their parents are friends.

The worst part, the part that makes the monster in him want to rage, is that he didn't care before today. He was fine letting his life begin and end in loneliness and abandon. He was fine letting Kaydel be a decent fuck that was there whenever he needed her. He was fine never knowing what love felt like, because if he couldn't get it from his parents then it just didn't exist.

But then he had a taste, a glimpse of sunshine and it all went to hell. He wants everything, suddenly. He wants a life of love and happiness and to feel full, just once. He wants a little kid on his shoulders calling him Dad and a girl holding his hand and for it to feel warm instead of fine. He wants to make love and not fuck, he wants to cook her breakfast and not order it, he wants to listen to every little thing she's ever wanted to say and not fall asleep with small noises of him pretending to listen. It's like he's just come to life only to discover that the past thirty-seven years were entirely wasted.

Just as he considers running across the hospital to find his forever and whisk her off into the sunset, his phone buzzes.

_Kay: Hi babe just landed_

He stares at it for a long time before texting back something noncommital and entirely too careless. He's her fiance, for God's sake, he should care about how her flight went, but he just... doesn't. Everything he thought he knew has turned itself on its head, and he can't even pretend to care about what she has to say right now.

He texts his mom instead, thinking of the eight words she whispered in his ear earlier.

_B: Did you mean it?_

He watches, tapping his foot against the floor, while the three dots appear and disappear over and over again. 

_Mom: Yes, I meant it._

_B: You're close to her parents. That could be really bad for you._

_Mom: Believe it or not, I care more about my son's happiness than the success of my campaign._

_B: You always knew, didn't you?_

_Mom: It's not hard to see, my love. And seeing you with Rey just solidified it. Do what makes you happy._

He puts his phone away and tilts his head back, looking up at the ceiling tiles and trying to find the answers he needs in them. His mother's words replay over and over again in his mind, carrying a new meaning with each run.

**_She's the reason you still have the ring._ **


End file.
